4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
