Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
