apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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