I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
