people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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