dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
"it" just moved
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
