Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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