I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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