can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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