I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
