So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
