She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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