bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
