I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
