Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
