So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
