What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
