oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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