I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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