I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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