Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
