nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
