remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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