apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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