i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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