when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
