I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
