hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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