I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
