The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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