I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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