I met the friendliest cop last night
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
