I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
