I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
