Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
