I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize