I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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