She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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