Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So much rum. So many feels.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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