You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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