i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
