I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
