i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
