At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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