My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Watching her eat just hurts me
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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