That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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