i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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