I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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