so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Less talking, more tequila
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
