He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
