He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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