i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
