i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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