Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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