i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
