Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
