he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
