Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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