I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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