my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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