I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
