I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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