Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
