oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
