part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
