You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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