wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
