Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
