Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
