Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
