No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize