well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
